


Falling

by CookiesOnlyWithCream



Series: Wings [1]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Multi, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Winged!AU, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-08-23 11:22:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8325838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CookiesOnlyWithCream/pseuds/CookiesOnlyWithCream
Summary: Alec freezes midair, his powerful wings holding him in place. He watches the shadowhunter fall faster and faster, his pair of bright cream coloured wings standing out against the black sky, crossing it like shooting stars.They’re too familiar to Alec to create any other reaction than a loud, agonizing scream as he awakes from his shock and bolts forward.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story here on AO3.  
> I'm not an English native speaker, so please, if you find any mistakes, feel free to tell me!
> 
> Although this is pretty angsty, I hope you can enjoy it at least a little bit <3

The battle around him doesn’t seem to stop. It’s been hours and hours and _hours_ since they marched against Valentine’s forces, since the first battle cries tore the night sky apart and since the winged soldiers rose high above the clouds, battling for life in the air.

He fires another arrow at one of Valentine’s minions. The Nephilim are forcing them back slowly, when suddenly a cry shatters his bones and his heart stops.

Alec freezes midair, his powerful wings holding him in place. He watches the shadowhunter fall faster and faster, his pair of bright cream coloured wings standing out against the black sky, crossing it like shooting stars.

They’re too familiar to Alec to create any other reaction than a loud, agonizing scream as he awakes from his shock and bolts forward. Because it is Jace, his brother, his _parabatai,_ who is falling. It is Jace, whose blood seeps through his gear, whose wings are splattered with blood, his own and his enemies’. It is Jace, who falls like a shot bird, without any consciousness left in his body. He is wounded and it is Alec’s fault. Because Alec is his _parabatai_ and he is supposed to have Jace’s back and he was too distracted to look out for him.

Alec feels numb. Everything around him is starting to blur, his focus solely on Jace as he rushes forwards, his wings cutting through the air. But no matter how powerful his movements are, he won’t reach his parabatai in time. Jace is falling faster and faster, _too fast_... But Jace won’t die; not here, not now. This is not the battle where Alec is going to lose him. Not after everything they’ve been through these past months. Not after saving Jace from Valentine just a few weeks ago. Alec is determined to save him because he knows, he simply _knows,_ that if he loses Jace, when he could have saved him, he will never be the same again, and that he will never forgive himself for it. And he knows that he will lose a part of himself, the second half of his soul and Alec is certain, that he simply cannot live without that.

 

His heart is racing; adrenaline is shooting through his veins. Alec tucks his wings in, pressing them close to his body, reducing the air resistance, as he gets closer and closer to Jace in his steep dive.

He reaches out and finally, after a blink of an eye that feels like eternity, he gets a hold of Jace, grabs him around the waist and tries to pull both of them up and up, away from the deadly ground.

But Alec’s wings are aching, exhausted from hours of holding him in the air, hours of fighting against Valentine, and Jace is a dead weight in his arms, pulling both of them _down._ But Alec can’t let go of him. He _won’t_ let go of him because he won’t let Jace die. Not now, not ever.

His mind is working on a solution but either way they are going to crash. Because Alec is not strong enough, he is too weak. Because he failed the one person that matters more to him than anyone else.

So Alec does the only reasonable thing he can think of. He lets himself sink underneath Jace, his back towards the ground, pulling Jace closer to him, as he curls his large wings protectively around Jace, shielding him from the impact that is so, so close. It is his _job_ to protect the people he cares about and if he couldn’t protect Jace from getting hurt, he can at least protect him from the injuries that the impact would cause.

Alec can sense the ground a second before he crashes down. He closes his eyes, presses his eyelids together and prepares himself, holding Jace so tight it might have hurt him if he had been conscious, wrapping his wings even closer. If he dies now, at least Jace would live. He would not fail his parabatai again. Alec takes a deep breath and then...

 

The next thing Alec feels is the pain tearing him apart, ripping his body in half. He can hear his own bones cracking under the force of the impact. Every cell sings with agony and then there’s blood and Alec doesn’t know if it’s his own, or Jace’s, or the blood of Valentine’s minions, but it is staining his gear, and his feathers feel slick against each other and the earth beneath him feels sticky. But all he can think about is Jace and that Jace has to live... Alec reaches out and by the Angel... He can’t feel their parabatai bond...There is no connection. He lost Jace; he can’t feel it... He can’t feel it... _He can’t feel their parabati bond_ , and suddenly his vision blurs and there are tears streaming down his face as he hugs Jace tighter. “Jace...” he whispers in a hoarse voice “Jace. Please, please, please... don’t be dead... don’t be dead... don’t be dead...” And all he can think about is that it simply isn’t _fair_ that he survived the fall and Jace didn’t because Alec failed, because he wasn’t fast enough...

There are people running towards him, he can hear his mother crying out and his father talking and then there is Izzy sobbing, falling down to her knees next to him. His vision is still blurry and his blood rushing in his ears and he is shaking now. Because he still can’t feel Jace, he can’t feel _anything at all_ and there is still agonizing pain everywhere.

More people arrive and Alec recognizes the voice of his mother giving orders he can’t comprehend. Then someone tries to _unfurl his wings_ and take Jace away from him and there is more pain shooting through his body. But it doesn’t matter, because he _won’t let them take Jace._

Alec starts to scream and sob and shake and fight everyone who tries to get closer to him with the last ounce of energy he has left... And he clings even more onto Jace, pressing him against his own body, still protecting him, keeping him safe...

Izzy’s voice crystallizes from the blur of sound and vision. “Alec, you have to let go of him. We can’t help you if you won’t let us take both of you with us,” she pleads, “Neither you nor Jace.”

And Alec tries to understand her words. If they want to help both of them, does it mean Jace is still alive? Although Alec can’t feel their bond anymore?

There is a soothing wave of magic washing over his body and Alec feels Magnus’ presence. And as the adrenaline finally wears off, when there is only pain left, he can feel Jace breathing against his chest. Weak and slow, but breathing. And if he concentrates, if he reaches out with all of his senses, he can feel their bond. Relief floods through him and he starts crying again. Jace isn’t dead, he isn’t dead, Alec saved him.

“ _Alexander_ ” he hears Magnus’ voice, soft and gentle but he can’t hide the worry underneath it “You have to let go of your parabatai, otherwise we can’t help you, my love.”

And this time Alec unwraps his wings, wincing as pain flashes through him, lets them rest against the earth so the people around him can take Jace with them because he knows Jace is alive, because he _saved him._ And when Magnus pours another wave of pain killing magic through his body, his fingers slowly stroking through Alec’s hair, he lets the pain and exhaustion finally wash over him and drifts into the dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your amazing feedback on the first chapter. It was really encouraging for me to see that people like my writing. <3
> 
> Finally, I finished the second chapter.  
> I'm sorry it took me this long but my life has been rather busy and again will be busy in the next weeks.  
> Anyways, I hope you're still interested in the sequel (:  
> I'm planning on two more chapters.
> 
> Please, if you find any mistakes, feel free to correct me!  
> Enjoy!

All Jace remembers is a sudden pain flashing through him as he took the blow and started to fall. The next thing he felt was someone shielding him; a presence even his unconscious mind would identify out of thousands. And in that moment, Jace knew he was safe. Because his _parabatai_ was there. Because Alec got his back. Then nothing.

 

The first thing he notices are low voices surrounding him. His head hurts, every thought a stinging pain, and with every breath his whole body feels like it’s been beaten multiple times without getting the time to recover. But he appreciates the pain. It means he is alive and didn’t fall to his death.

Jace slowly blinks an eye open. The high stone ceiling is lit in colourful patterns of light, moving, dancing around as shadows cross them. He can feel the covers above him now; a light weight settled on his chest.

Jace recognizes his location. It’s the infirmary of the Institute. More memories rush back into him. Alec saved him... but what did it cost his parabatai? Where is he?

Jace tries to sit up, ignoring all of his body’s signals to lie back down and don’t move any more than necessary.

“Jace, you’re awake!”

It’s then that he notices Izzy sitting on a chair next to his bed, her dark wings nowhere to be seen, tucked away safely by their bodies’ own magic. She looks exhausted, dark bags underneath her eyes, no makeup on and messy hair. The sorrow is written all across her face, but if Jace looks close enough he can see a relieved spark in her dark eyes.

“Don’t move. You’re still healing, your body needs rest,” she orders. Jace lets out a frustrated sigh and sinks back into the pillows.

“Izzy, what happened?” His throat feels hoarse from not using it and he coughs. Izzy passes him a glass of water and helps him drink.

“You got unconscious and started to fall, we all thought that was it...” She takes a deep breath. “You were falling so fast. And then Alec, he... he – “

“Saved me”, Jace interrupts her quietly. Izzy nods and Jace can see it. He can see it in her eyes, heard it when her voice trembled. “What did he do?” Jace whispers. “Izzy, tell me; what did he do?” But Jace already knows the answer. He feels it in his soul and body; not only his own pain but the pain of his _parabatai_ too.

“There was no way to save you both. The ground was so close... too close. And you know Alec. He always puts you first.”

“He sacrificed himself,” Jace states and his heart clenches painfully in his chest, knocks the air out of his lungs, as he realizes what consequences this one moment of inattentiveness brought with it. He is almost afraid to ask the question that is his only thought in this second.

“How bad is he?”

“Jace...”

“Izzy, I’m serious, I need to know,” Jace croaks out. A moment of silence settles between them. “It’s not good, Jace. I mean, we all suffered through a lot... but this time it’s worse. No one should’ve survived a crash like that. He’s barely alive... if it weren’t for Magnus – “

Jace doesn’t even hear her last words as realization hits him with full force. Alec could be dead, he could be dead, he could be dead. Because of Jace. Because Jace wasn’t paying attention for one moment. And Alec was the one who nearly died for it. Because it was Jace, his parabatai, his brother. The one’s he’s sworn an oath to all these years back.

It weighs heavy in Jace’s chest and his heart pounds in his ears. He blames himself for it. He is the reason why Alec nearly gave up his life. Hell, he had been ready, had expected to give his life in exchange for Jace’s. He has to see Alec, see what damage he caused, see what he can do about it to help his brother getting back up again.

His limbs feel numb as he sits up and places his feet on the floor. Izzy doesn’t even try to tuck him back into bed anymore, knowing that if Jace is determined to do something, no one can stop him.

Slowly he sets one foot in front of the other, hissing as his body stings, crossing the hall to get to the bed apart from the others, where Jace can see a figure sitting next to it, shoulders hunched, head bowed. As Jace comes closer he recognizes the person as Magnus, looking entirely different than Jace is used to.

His hair is messy, not styled up in the usual way, there’s nothing of his usual flamboyance, but the most shocking for Jace to see is how he holds himself. He looks tired and utterly worried, a defeated soldier, someone who lost his last spark of hope. If Magnus looks this way, Alec has to be in an even worse state than Izzy told him. A lump is building in his throat as he steps closer.

Alec’s lying lifeless in the infirmary bed large enough for him and his huge dark grey wings spread out to each side of him. He looks even paler than he usual does; it makes Jace’s heart constrict in his chest. Alec’s chest rises and falls in slow, weak breaths, and Jace can’t get the thought out of his head how small Alec looks, how beaten up, dark bruises standing out against his skin, bandages all across his torso. But the worst are his wings.

There is dried blood all over Alec’s feathers, crusted and staining those beautifully shaded wings. There are several feathers missing and Jace’s stomach feels sick at the sight of the construction keeping the fragile bones in place during the healing process.

He gets the sudden urge to throw up, wants to look away but can’t, because it is his fault. It is Jace’s fault and he will never forgive himself if Alec will never be able to fly again. His wings are so badly hurt that Jace doubts they will ever return to their old strength. They won’t ever be powerful enough to keep Alec in the air again. Jace knows the consequences broken wings bring with them.

He himself broke his once; it took weeks until they had been fully healed and another two weeks of daily training and pushing himself to his limits until he had been strong enough to fly again. But his injury had been nothing compared to how badly Alec looked. And Jace doesn’t dare think about what it means for Alec, if he’ll never fully heal.

He would be an outsider, even more so than he already is, useless for the Clave. Nephilim with crippled wings don’t have a place in their view of the world.

But Jace is more worried for Alec’s mental health. The Clave won’t be his _parabtai’s_ biggest problem, he knows that. But Alec’s always been an excellent flyer. Flying has always been one of his ways to escape the Institute when everything has simply been too much to take. And if this is taken away from him? Jace doesn’t want to think about what it might do to Alec. He simply won’t!

“How is he?” Jace croaks out and Magnus looks up, startled by Jace’s sudden appearance, a deep frown on his forehead.

“Better than one night ago but he’s still not over the worst,” Magnus says.

Jace feels numb as he nods, eyes not leaving Alec’s lifeless face. He can’t help the ache in his chest and can’t stop the voice in his head that whispers ‘Your fault... your fault... your fault...’ over and over again. It isn’t fair... Jace should be the one laying there, not Alec. Not after he just found some happiness in his life. His life is worth a thousand more than Jace’s.

“You shouldn’t blame yourself, Jace. It was his choice to make, not yours. He’ll always choose you. You’re his brother and even more, his _parabatai_. Alec loves you and he puts his loved ones before himself, especially when it comes to you. There isn’t anything you could have done to avoid this; he was determined to save you, no matter the cost.”

Jace flinches at the bitterness and hurt in Magnus’ voice.

“I’d never want him to sacrifice himself for me. Never. I wish I could take his place right now. I didn’t pay enough attention, not Alec. He doesn’t deserve this.”

Magnus looks at him, an unreadable expression on his face, for one moment he seems to be far away in his thought, before he shakes his head.

“I know. But we both know Alec, you can’t change him when it comes to his family. He’ll protect all of you even if it means to give up his own life. It’s not the first time he did this since I got to know him and I’m sure you’ve been through this more than once before then. I can’t even blame him. I may be immortal and lost many people, but even I know what it feels like to love someone so badly you’d sacrifice yourself for them.”

Both of them stay silent for a few moments, both deep in thoughts; not quite there but at the same time looking at the wounded soldier in front of them, until Magnus breaks the silence.

“Well, since you’re here, I’ll leave you a moment alone with him. To check if I might find something helpful, maybe call Cat, hear if she knows anything useful. Besides, I might need a little rest. If his condition changes, message me immediately.”

Jace nods, his mind distant as Magnus gets up and walks away, looking defeated and tired of nights with little to no sleep and Alec still on the brink of life. The echo of his footsteps is slowly fading away and Jace is alone with Alec.

Jace sinks into the chair Magnus just left, reaching out for Alec. His fingers brushing gently and cautiously over Alec’s feathers, careful not to hurt them further.

“I am so sorry,” Jace whispers, “I am so, so sorry, Alec. I never wanted you to get hurt.”

Jace blinks away the tears gathering in his eyes as his throat closes up. He has to be strong now, for both of them. Like Alec always did when Jace’s demons caught him and he woke screaming and panting, not daring to close his eyes again until Alec slipped in his room and under the covers, the steady and calm presence of his _parabatai_ soothing, an anchor to reality.

“I never wanted this to happen. I can’t lose you, Alec. I swear to you, I won’t ever do anything reckless again.” A stifled sound escapes him, close to a laugh, and despite all of his efforts the first tears roll over his cheeks.

“Please, buddy, wake up. I can’t live without you, I need you. You’re so strong; stronger than I’ll ever be. We’ll find a way to fight this, together. We’ll get you well and airborne again, I promise.”

And Jace takes Alec’s hand, so very careful since it might hurt his _parabatai_ , and pours every part of his soul and strength into their shared bond, that feels so weak and small in Jace’s chest.

He sits there for hours, not daring to let go, not daring to stop reaching out for their connection, until he falls asleep, head resting next to Alec’s torso, mind plagued by dreams of agonizing screams and the feeling of falling deeper and deeper, his heart aching painfully in his chest.

 

____

 

When Alec wakes up two days later, their bond snaps into its rightful position, and even though Jace feels the pain tugging at it, his whole body leaps and sings.

He cries of relief that day, not caring that everyone sees him, standing next to his _parabtai’s_ bed, mumbling ‘I’m so sorry,’ and ‘I’m so glad that you’re awake,’ over and over again while tears stream down his face.

There are rough weeks to come, Jace knows, for both of them. But for now, Alec is alive and awake. Jace swears he’s never felt lighter before than the moment he closes his arms around his _parabtai_ and feels his heart beating strong and steady inside his chest. The presence of their bond alone washing away all his fears and bad dreams of the last days.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I haven't posted in over a month!  
> Life has been really busy with a lot of exams and Christmas.
> 
> But good news! I managed to finish the last two parts and gonna publish the last one in the next days as well!  
> Thanks for your patience and all of your kudos and comments, I really appreciate them! <3

The next days go by in a bit of a daze for Alec.

Everything is coloured by pain and the feeling of being out of place. Alec feels so useless, still tied to the infirmary and not able to move, every muscle and bone in his body hurting, although it becomes less and less. At least his lungs and chest don’t feel like they are torn apart with every breath he takes anymore.

It doesn’t make his situation more bearable, though.

His mood gets more miserable with every passing day, with every single time someone tells him that it’ll be a couple more days until he’ll be able to stand up and leave the infirmary, that his body, especially his wings, needs more rest.

The state of his wings is something entirely else.

Of course Alec knew somewhere back in his mind that they’ve been broken during his reckless rescue mission, there was no possibility that they would stay unharmed.

And as Izzy told him many times in the last days, he is lucky that he has survived.

But still, the thought of never flying again hurts even more than all the physical pain. But no one seems to understand. Everyone’s just always talking about how it’s a miracle that he is still alive. That is until he snaps one day and yells at his mother that he’d rather be dead than living like this. She leaves in shock; he himself needs a moment to process what he’s just said before he sinks back into the pillows, frustrated.

Great! Apparently, now he starts to push the people who want to take care of him away!

He notices Jace only as he starts talking.

“Hey buddy, everything okay?”

Alec hears the sound of chair legs being dragged across the marble floor and looks up at Jace’s face.

“She told you.”

Silence follows and Alec lets out an angry huff, the silence enough of a confirmation to him.

“She worries about you, we all do,” Jace says, a seriousness in his eyes that Alec can’t quite catch.

“I know, Jace,” Alec responds, forcing himself to sit up, pushing down the hiss of pain trying to escape him as he moves his wings accidentally.

Jace furrows his brow.

“Take it slow, Alec. You’re not going to get out of here faster by damaging yourself even more. No, listen to me, I know what you think and I can feel what you’re going through. You’re my _parabatai_ , there’s no need to lie to me about it.”

“It’s just that I don’t know what to do with myself! I don’t want to stay here any longer, I feel like a burden while Valentine’s still out there and doing the Angel knows what! And who knows, maybe my wings will never heal fully and I’ll be useless for the rest of my life!”

He doesn’t intend to yell at Jace but it’s too late. So now he’s trying to scare his _parabatai_ away too, how convenient!

But against his own thoughts, Jace’s expression softens.

“We’re after him, Alec, your focus should be on getting some rest and healing right now. He’s not going to get away.” He chews on his bottom lip, not sure what to say exactly.

“And you’re not a burden, Alec. No matter what happens, you’ll never be useless or a dead weight. Never! Someone once told me, that we Lightwoods stick together, no matter what.”

He grins mischievously and Alec is startled. Jace still remembers that? This moment seems to be a lifetime away.

“And you know what, he was right,” Jace continues, “We’ll get you on your feet again and then back into the air. We’re family, that’s what we do! I promise you, I’ll be there for you just as you’ve been there for me when I went through shit because I did something incredibly stupid and had to stay here for weeks. And you’ll see, you’re flying next to me in no time again; do you trust me on this?”

His two different eyes are fixed on Alec and Alec is taken aback by his speech. He nods slowly like he has to think about Jace’s words for a second.

“I trust you, _parabatai_.”

“Then that’s settled,” he grins and claps Alec on the upper arm “Look buddy, I have to go now. If you need anything, let Izzy or me know. We’re here for you, okay?”

He gets up from his chair and starts walking out of the infirmary. While he’s walking he turns around.

“And Alec, stop bottling things up! You don’t need to!”

And with that he’s gone.

Alec sinks back into his pillow with a sigh and closes his eyes. It’ll take some more weeks until he’s back on track but at least he’s got the support of his family and his friends and that’ll make it a lot more easier.

And maybe, in the back of his mind, there’s a spark of hope. That he will fly again one day. But for now, all he’ll focus on is healing.

 

 

It’s a week later when Alec is allowed to leave the infirmary.

It takes another two until the metal construction is removed from his wings although they are still not completely healed.

He’s missing feathers which are slowly starting to grow back and his bones are still fragile so Alec is not allowed to move them more than necessary.

In the back of his head he knows that it will take at least another month of building muscles back up and training their strength until he’ll be sure that they are strong enough to keep him in the air. Of course only under the condition that the healing and rebuilding process goes along well.

No one’s entirely sure if they will heal correctly and Alec will be able to fly again.

Alec knows all of this but it’s still challenging his patience.

He feels as if there are endless hours of waiting, luring around the Institute without any task at hand, everyone around him in a rush to gather more information about Valentine’s new hideout or making plans how to strike him best next.

It gets frustrating for him again within a week.

A scowl and an angry glare are carved into his face and the people around him know better than try and talk to him. It annoys him that everybody tries to be as careful around him like they would be around a shy animal. And the whispers behind his back annoy him even more.

So Alec’s often found either in one corner of the Institute’s library or in the OP room to look over the recent files.

It’s one of his worse days when is phone rings.

Alec’s just gotten comfortable in his huge armchair in the library, one of his favourite books in hand, when his ring-tone disrupts the silence. Alec closes his eyes and considers throwing the device out of the window, but looks at the display anyways.

It’s Magnus and suddenly throwing his phone away isn’t an option anymore.

After all, Alec hasn’t seen his boyfriend - a smile tugs at his lips at this thought - in a week and hasn’t spoken to him in two days, his schedule too busy and Alec asleep too often because of his constant exhaustion. Healing takes a lot from him and the pain killers don’t help the tiredness, so their conversations had been reduced to a few texts and missed calls.

“Magnus,” He exhales as he picks up, putting the book down and leaning back. He can hear a soft chuckle at the other end, Magnus’ laugh ringing through his head.

“Alexander, I hoped you’d pick up.”

Alec can hear the smile in Magnus’ voice and relaxes even more. By the Angel, he hasn’t even realized how much he misses his voice and how soothing Magnus is for his temper.

“I missed you... am still missing you,” Alec blurts out. Another chuckle from Magnus.

“I miss you too, Darling,” Magnus says, “which is why I called you. Since we haven’t been able to see each other in a week, a horrible one I might add, are you free this evening? Work’s done for today and I can’t think of a better way to spend my free time than with you.”

“Sure... you mean like right now?” Alec’s chewing on his bottom lip. “You wanna go out? I don’t think I can leave the Institute, still under strict arrest and I’d rather stay – “

“It’s okay, Alec,” Magnus reassures him over the phone. “Whatever you’re comfortable with. If you want to stay at the Institute that’s perfectly okay as long as I get so see you.”

Alec lets out a relieved breath. “Yeah.”

“I do need some time to get ready. I’ll portal over in half an hour?”

“Yeah. Sounds good. See you then.”

“See you later, Darling.”

Alec ends the connection, staring at is display for a moment before he puts his phone away and gets up. After all, Magnus is coming in thirty minutes and he can’t stay as he is right now in his hideous clothes and messy hair.

 

When Magnus finally arrives at the Institute, Alec nearly flings himself at him.

Luckily he has enough self-control not to do that and instead crossing the room with long steps before he’s finally in Magnus’s space. He wraps his boyfriend in a tight embrace, pulling him close and nuzzling his face in the crook of his neck, inhaling the scent of sandalwood and Magnus.

Some of his burdens seem to leave him as Magnus wraps his arms around Alec and presses a soft kiss to his temple.

“Magnus,” Alec murmurs. “You’re here!”

“I am, Darling,” Magnus answers, pulling away from Alec to look him up and down. “And I missed your pretty face.”

He intertwines his fingers with Alec’s as they start walking. Alec thinks about how easy this is for them nowadays. Here he is, walking next to his gorgeous boyfriend through the Institute, holding hands and no one’s looking up. After months he finally feels comfortable with this kind of display of affection. Because Magnus can barge in here like he belongs here and Alec can embrace him and take his hand and no one is paying attention to them, there are no eyes following them as they cross the room because everyone knows by now and it isn’t a big deal for anyone anymore.

Alec hums in appreciation.

For some minutes they just keep walking silently next to each other, both of them just enjoying each others presence and the warm feeling of their interlaced fingers.

“So, how’s your day been so far?” Magnus breaks the silent as they arrive at the greenhouse.

Huh? Alec didn’t even intend to get here but now it seems the perfect place for a date. Can he even consider this a date? They’re not even going out, but still, he hasn’t seen Magnus in a week, so probably it is.

It’s quiet, no one’s coming up here these days, so they have their privacy and it’s still nicer than Alec’s room.

“It’s just gotten a hundred percent better when you arrived.” He replies and smiles sheepishly at Magnus, running a hand through his hair.

“Don’t even get me started on mine,” Magnus replies. “I had this one client today, typical rich white mundane, refusing to pay my bill after demanding literally anything I could offer. And right after that I had to deal with those faeries – “

Alec listens to Magnus ranting about his day and can feel himself relax more and more. A lopsided grin tugs at his lips as Magnus goes on and on and during a particularly funny story he laughs out loud, Magnus joining him until both of them have tears in their eyes.

It takes a while for them to settle into quietness again.

Magnus looks at Alec, smiling at him, before his expression turns serious.

“So, how’s your healing going?” He asks carefully, well aware how that question can affect Alec if not asked cautiously.

Alec drops his gaze from Magnus’ face, suddenly very interested on the floor pattern, rubbing that spot on his palm nervously.

“It... I...” He takes a deep breath and searches for the right words to explain this to Magnus. “It’s just... every time I take a step forward it seems to throw me off the path and push me three backwards. I try to push myself but it just won’t work. I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s a dead end. Flying seems so out of reach for me right now. And everyone here is so busy and I’m sitting around... I just feel so useless; I don’t know what to do with myself!”

His voice gets smaller with each word and at the end Alec’s chest constricts, breath laboured as he avoids looking up at all cost.

Magnus doesn’t say anything for a minute that might be the longest in Alec’s entire life. That’s it! Magnus will turn his back at him, not able to be with someone so weak. Someone who gives up this easily.

It surprises Alec when he suddenly can feel Magnus’ fingertips under his chin, tilting it up gently.

“Alexander.” His voice is soft and full of emotion. “Alec, look at me.”

Alec gives in to him and lifts his head, gaze dropping on Magnus’ and he can see the concern in those familiar eyes.

“You’re so strong, Angel,” Magnus says. “And I may not understand fully what you’re going through, but I dealt with pain and a long duration of healing and with thoughts of throwing everything over and giving up more than once in my past. It’s never easy. Fighting your way back up again is tough and it’s frustrating and hurts sometimes, but in the end, you’ll be so much stronger.”

Alec reads the honesty in Magnus’ eyes like an open book as he speaks, and drinks up every soothing word.

“I’m not going to lie to you,” Magnus continues. “It’s not gonna get easier in the next days or weeks maybe not for a while, but as long as you _want it_ there’s nothing to stop you from it. And you’re not alone. You’ve got your family; Isabelle, Jace and even your parents who support you. They’ll make sure that you’ll be airborne again.”

“And you?” Alec blurts out. “Do I have your support, too?”

Magnus smiles reassuringly before he slowly leans in and brushes their lips together. The kiss is chaste and merely a touch of lips, but Alec finds comfort and reassurance in it that he so desperately searched for.

“Always,” Magnus murmurs against his lips before he wraps his hands around Alec’s neck and pulls him in another kiss, slower but not less full of support an reassurance and a promise.

A promise that Magnus will be there with Alec and have his back. That he is supported by the people he loves and that he is strong enough to bear the burdens he’ll have to take. He’ll fly again. No matter the cost. He’s not alone and that makes him stronger than his weaknesses.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the last part of this story!  
> I hope you can enjoy it.

Five weeks after the accident, Jace starts to train with Alec.

Of course his _parabatai_ is still under the strict observation of the Silent Brothers and more experienced Shadowhunters who look after his healing process, but since they’re closer than brothers and partners in training and battle since they were kids it has been considered that training together could only be helpful for Alec’s process.

Of course they are not training like they used to; Alec’s wings are still fragile and unstable which requires a lot of strength-building and muscle recovery for some time as well as stabilization and balance.

So Jace and Alec often train in the wide halls, opposed to each other, going through exercise after exercise. Jace announces and Alec goes through it, slowly spreading his wings, moving and controlling every muscle, holding them still and using them. It’s clearly exhausting for Alec and Jace pushes him to his limits, but with the final battle against Valentine so close – and damnit! They should’ve already defeated him but apparently he’s been more than good at hiding – they need everyone in their rows.

And Jace needs Alec by his side to give all he has. Without his _parabati,_ a part of him will be left behind on the ground.

Alec doesn’t complain once about Jace’s drills, well aware of the tense situation.

Shortly after, they start training outside in the Institute’s flying arena. Jace is aware that it is too fast, should be too fast but they have no time, so he drills Alec mercilessly, pushing him further.

They stay up for hours until late into the night to get Alec into the air again. They start small with only a few wing beats until Alec’s feet nearly lift from the ground and increase the level with each passing exercise.

Within a week, Jace and Alec make the process of staying next to each other in the air for minutes, but it’s still not fast enough and that wears both of them out.

Jace is tense nearly twenty-four hours a day and snaps easily at everyone who dares to look at him the wrong way, while Alec closes himself off more from day to day. Which is another weight on Jace’s shoulders. A deep frown’s carved in his face nowadays that Jace worries it’ll never vanish again.

It gets even worse when Maryse decides that Jace is needed elsewhere and therefore she herself will train Alec.

Thankfully, Izzy has been present when she told him and dragged him out of the room before he could do something really stupid.

It doesn’t surprise him at all that half a week later Izzy storms into his room, fury written across her features.

“I’m gonna kill her!” She announces fiercely.

Jace looks up from the paperwork scattered in a mess on his bed. “What did she do?”

“I don’t know!” She tugs at her hair and starts to pace up and down. “Magnus just called me that Alec seems to have a break down. He arrived at Magnus’ and not half an hour later he locked himself into the bathroom and refuses to open the door, let alone speak! Magnus tried everything but he’s clueless.”

Jace freezes for a second and counts to ten, to bury his anger and stay calm, before he gets up, grabs his leather jacket and marches out of the room.

“Jace! Hey, listen to me! Where are you going?” He can hear Izzy’s heels click on the floor as she follows him.

“What does it look like where I’m going? Getting my _parabatai_ out of his boyfriend’s bathroom that’s where!” He says. “I’m not staying a second longer under the same roof as she or I’m forgetting myself.”

Izzy exhales behind him. “Thank the Angel; I thought you were going to wring our mother’s neck,” She mutters under her breath before she catches up with him and leaves the Institute.

 

Magnus lets them in without any questions and Jace immediately heads for the bathroom, completely ignoring Magnus talking to Izzy in a low voice.

He straightens himself and knocks at the door.

“Alec, buddy? You in there?” He asks not even expecting an answer. “I’m here, you know. And Izzy and Magnus too. We just want to help you so if you’d please talk to us...”

There’s no reaction. Jace flings around when Izzy and Magnus enter the room. “What happend, Magnus?”

“He came here after training and already been in a bad mood. I just asked him what was wrong. He said something about Maryse being disappointed and that he still drops from the sky after a few minutes. I’m pretty sure he reproached himself more than once in the process. Before I could say anything he excused himself and has been in there since then. I tried to talk to him but he won’t answer, so I called Isabelle.”

Jace’s brow furrows in thought and he nods slowly. His anger at Maryse grows with every second and it takes all his self-control to not run back to the Institute and tell her off for everything.

Jace pinches the bridge of his nose and turns back to the door. Still no sign from Alec.

The three of them wait and take turns talking to Alec, but the more time passes the more grueling it gets.

“Okay, we’re gonna do it differently,” Jace announces looking at Izzy and Magnus. “Iz, Magnus, could you please give me a few minutes?”

He looks apologetically at them. Izzy understands him after a second and nods, leaving silently while Magnus hesitates.

“He’ll be okay, I promise,” Jace says earnestly. “I think I know what he needs right now and that must sound hurtful for you, but you simply cannot help him at the moment. How could you? You can’t comprehend how important his wings are for him, what flying means; it’s not your fault. But right now I can feel it through the bond that he needs someone who understands fully and I think I can help him.”

A short moment of hurt flashes in Magnus’s eyes before it settles in understanding.

“I really do hope you know what you’re doing. I trust you on this.” And with that he’s gone.

Jace takes a deep breath and faces the door, again.

He takes the few steps before he slides down along the door, back pressed firmly against the wood, head resting back.

“Alec, could you please talk to me? The others are gone as you may have figured out, but we’re all worried. I am worried. Please, let me in and talk to you.”

It takes some agonizing long seconds before a muffled “No” comes from the inside of the bathroom.

“Remember how I had those nightmares after Maryse and Robert took me in? How I screamed so loudly you’d always wake up?” Jace lets out a quiet laugh. “I locked myself in my room because I was afraid and had no one to talk to and I wanted to be by myself. And I remember how I heard your steps outside my room and you talked to me. You used to sit outside my room and just talk and stayed up for hours with me. And I never told you that, but I think you were the only thing that kept me sane in those nights. And it was nice knowing someone was there who wanted to help, who wanted to support me, lift some of the weight off my shoulders. And every time I opened my door in the morning and found you curled up against the frame, asleep, I knew I was not alone. You taught me that I’d never be alone again, ever. I’d like you to remember that you’re not alone either. We’re _parabatai_ , _entreat me not to leave thee_ , remember? I will stay here just so you know someone’s there. And if you want to talk to me, I will listen, and if you don’t want to, that’s fine either way. Just so you know I’ll sit here all night if I have to.”

And that he does. He loses track of the minutes that pass before Alec answers, his voice nearer and Jace can picture him sitting inside the room like Jace, back resting against the door, head leaning back against the wood.

“It’s too much, Jace. And Maryse, she’s just so... so disappointed. She told me I wasn’t healing fast enough. That I had to push harder and train more to be ready for the fight. But I... I can’t, Jace! I can’t take it and I’m still failing. I’m still not flying. My wings are still not strong enough and I doubt they’ll ever be again. There’s nothing I can do more, but there’s no progress. I’m stuck.”

There it is. Jace holds back a chuckle as the air he’s been holding floods out of him. He has an answer now, he can work with that. Get Alec to believe in himself again just as the many times Alec did this for Jace.

“Maryse can stick it up her ass, Alec. Let her talk, she doesn’t know shit!” Jace says. “Your healing process needs time and you’re making a huge progress every day since you’ve been training again. Remember that time when I was sixteen and sprained my left wing during patrol?”

“Yeah,” Alec chimes in. “How could I forget? One of your most stupid and reckless actions. You cried for weeks about how much it hurt and how you weren’t allowed to fly.”

“Will you shut up?” Jace interrupts him, feeling caught and the slightest bit embarrassed. “Point is, it took me weeks until I had all of my abilities back. Your wings suffered through multiple open fractures and you nearly died. And you’re in the air again in what? Not even seven weeks? That’s fast, Alec. Shouldn’t be possible, but you do it anyway. And if you won’t fly with us into battle in the next days, who cares? Don’t pressure yourself into something that’ll hurt you only more.”

There’s a pause and then slowly a key turns in the lock.

Jace leaps to his feet and stares at Alec who emerges from the bathroom. His hair is disheveled and he looks a little lost in the door-frame, his gaze fixed at Jace. He shakes his head as if he lets go of a thought and closes the steps between them before he pulls Jace in a tight embrace.

“Thank you,” Alec murmurs against Jace’s ear, crushing all of the air out of Jace’s lungs.

“Hey man, that’s what _parabatai_ are for.” Jace shrugs but holds on to Alec just as firmly.

He makes a mental note to talk to Maryse later about taking over Alec’s training again and also telling her off for how she treats her eldest son; but right now Alec is all that matters.

 

When the final battle arrives one and a half weeks later an anxious feeling fills Jace’s gut. It’s the first time that they will openly fight against Valentine and his forces again and if the Shadowhunters and their allies in the Downworld don’t defeat him now Valentine will take over the power. They can’t lose tonight.

Jace looks over his family and friends. He watches Izzy and Clary exchange the last runes in preparation, giving each of them a brief glance and a nod as they look up.

He turns to Alec next to him. His _parabatai_ wears an impenetrably mask on his face, a mask Jace himself wears. Both of them the unapproachable soldier from the outside ready to walk into war.

But through their bond he can feel his own anxiety mirrored by Alec. He knows how hard Alec trained in the last days, his effort doubled to keep up and stand here next to Jace. Still Jace knows that Alec struggles if he’s strong enough.

Jace will look out for him tonight. He will not allow another accident to happen, he swears to himself.

And he trusts in Alec that he is strong enough.

Alec fixes his hazel gaze at Jace. “Ready?” He asks, brows drawn together in concentration.

Jace nods. “As ready as you are.”

It doesn’t need any other words for them.

The two Shadowhunters spread their wings and start to run, leaping into the air perfectly in synch.

Two _parabatai_ fighting side by side.

Tonight, they won’t lose.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> I loved to see all your kudos and comments, they were really encouraging for me <3
> 
> Since I have a lot of ideas for this AU I decided to make it a series.  
> If you want me to write about an idea/concept or topic for this AU feel free to leave a comment and I'll see what I can do about it (:


End file.
